Y'all gon' make me lose my mind

Ok, first of all, what’s up with me not getting carded… twice yesterday?

I bought wine yesterday at two separate stores and there was NO request to see my identification. WTH.

And if the “buying wine” item isn’t enough to tell you that I’m ready for my husband to come home, here’s another clue.

I was telling Football Widow last night that I suspected my brain had stopped working, and I needed another adult around the house. For instance, I could not come up with something for dinner last night. Nothing sounded good to me, and though it was tempting to let E have an all-cracker meal last night, as she suggested, I literally stood in front of the fridge, waiting for inspiration. Finally, I came up with eggs and toast (brilliant) but it took me way too long to think of that. I suspected something was amiss with my brain.

This morning, I was got E and M dressed, putting great effort into keeping everyone happy and moving along. I got everyone dressed, fed, downstairs, got the dog out, got my shoes on, got the bottles in the bag and was taking M out to the car when E said, “I go poo poo mommy.”

“Oh, really? Really? Um, can you hold it until you get to school? NO! I mean, don’t hold it, hold it. Just, wait, ok?”

I’m still on my one track mind, and I get M out to the car and strap her in. I come back to get E and she says, “I need go potty poo poo NOW mommy.”

Remembering that she’s been making significant progress on this front, I decide that I really can’t ignore this quite clear and quite insistent request. I run out, and put the garage door down and lights on in the garage so M doesn’t freak out, then come back in and quickly take E to her potty.

As soon as I start unbuttoning her pants, I notice something.

She doesn’t have a diaper on.

“E! Mommy didn’t put a diaper on you this morning?” “No diaper mommy.” “Ok, well you sit down on the potty while mommy runs upstairs to get your diaper.”

I run upstairs in my heels, and find E’s diaper, where I left it on her bed this morning. I have no idea what happened. I have put a diaper on that child every morning for the past 2+ years. This morning? I lost my mind.

I run back downstairs (in heels) and into the bathroom, terribly cognizant of the time clicking and M sitting by herself in the car. I bend down, E says, “No poo poo mommy.” Damn. All that and no poo poo. I start to take off her pants to put the diaper on, and I realized a second thing. Her pants are sopping wet. I tell her I’m going back upstairs to get new pants for her, and tell her to try again with the poo poo (we need something positive out of this situation, right?)

I run back upstairs (slipping off the heels) and get some new pants. Back down, changing the kid in a Guinness-worthy moment, jumping (literally) back into the heels, telling E to “run run run!” out the door to the car.

I’m tired just typing it all again.

So yes, I need, no, deserve wine. And my husband comes home on Saturday. Expect my brain to start working sometime after that.