Just a little plastic surgery and I too could be an idiot

The DMN very kindly printed another column of mine yesterday and everyone at work found out about it. My colleague T introduced it in an e-mail as my “debut.” I’ve been writing for the paper for…. 5 years now? But I’ve kept it quiet at work because my employer has rules about employees publishing. Since I am very careful not to cross THE LINE that they do not want me to cross, I didn’t make a big deal about exercising my other 1st Amendment rights. A few friends knew, but not the whole office. When the link was e-mailed around, a lot of colleagues were graciously complimentary, which is nice, of course. Then one stopped me yesterday afternoon:

Coworker: Your column was SO GOOD! You missed your calling!

Me: Thank you.

C: No, seriously, you should have been a journalist.

Me: I don’t think I’d want to be a journalist, but thank you, that’s nice of you.

C: Ok, well not a journalist, but a legal analyst, like those people on tv!

Me: That would be great. I’d be happy to just get paid for writing, but those people are idiots, so I’m sure I could do that, too.

C: I mean, you’re prettier than Greta VanSusteren. You could do that.

Me: Um, thanks?

C: You just do your hair, and maybe get some work done, you’d be better than Greta VanSusteren.

Me: [starting to laugh uncontrollably]

C: Or you could be Dan Abrams!

Me: [trying to keep a straight face] Well, since he’s an idiot, I hope so.

C: You could totally do that!

Me: Thank you, I, um, have to go get water. [laughing to keep from crying]

Seriously. Greta VanFreaking Susteren or Dan “The Plaintiffs are upset about what the Defendant did to them” Abrams. There are no words, right?

I'm no Little Ball of Hate

My recent column.

One of the most interesting things about having a semi-regular column in the paper is the mail I get afterward. Usually, it's pretty polite, and pretty supportive.

Today, I got this:
"You need to understand something. The only thing people want to hear less from (more than a lawyer) is a female lawyer. Do your best to try to stay quiet."

Which just really makes me laugh.

Someone else accused me of being high. Which also made me laugh.

Then I was copied on an email by a city manager, to another concerned resident. The city manager forwarded this other person my column, and said he was sending it to the city council.

I guess he hasn't heard that he shouldn't listen to FEMALE lawyers.

It's Friday!

Here's the latest column. I actually like it, although I realized after I turned it in that I spelled Gayle King's first name wrong, and my editor didn't catch it either. Oh well.

For those of you that tune in from time to time, I apologize for not blogging more frequently. I want to be a good blogger, I do. I just am frequently overwhelmed with how much information I have to share, and overwhelmed with the amount of things I have to do in a day. Typical working mom complaints, yes?

Another thing to take you into the weekend. If you (hypothetically) inadvertently feed a baby a tiny little bit of very very hot salsa, you will feel really really bad when she starts wailing, but you will also be trying not to laugh at the way her face turned red like a cartoon character. So heartbreaking. Hypothetically, of course.

Odds

Conversation at my house yesterday upon our first viewing of a Veggie Tales episode:
Me: They have no arms!
Jeff: Sara, They're vegetables.
Me: Well, they talk, don't they?

Other exclamation at my house yesterday: Holy shit, I ran a 5K! It's all due to Football Widow, MommyMe, and Mrs. DallasK. They told me to run ("train") and made sure I registered and didn't buy my crap about me wanting to make sure my leg wasn't broken and all. Thanks gals! I'm hurting in weird places today, but I feel so great about beating my goal time by 4 minutes! Yay me! Pics at Mrs. DallasK's, as usual.

This month's contribution to the printed word found here.

All over the place

Back to the princess phenomenon: See how I'm not the only parent to resist, and how totally commercial, contrived and evil it is? And how parents will have to eventually justify the tiaras as some sort of post-feminist reclamation of grrrl power? Oy vey.

Here's my latest in the paper. I'm not all that proud of this one, but whatever. It's published. It's got my name on it. I better get proud.

Many of you that are on Google Talk have seen my away/here message and asked about it. Yes, someone ate my burrito. And yogurt. And healthy choice frozen dinner. There's someone at work that steals food. They've stolen food from me before in my 3 years here, but never this much, all together. I alternate between being royally ticked off to just feeling kind of sad that not only has someone stooped to this level, but that I have to work with that kind of person. Plus, Mrs. Dallas K told me a story about someone who purposefully set out to steal the food from an officemate who they didn't like, just to f#ck with them, so I'm trying not to get paranoid about that.

My latest

Here's the latest column.

I was trying to think of an interesting or witty way to present it, but I'm all witty-ed out.