Apparently, I'm a bitch.

My self-confidence these days, sadly, is a little low. But that will happen to you when you have a 5 month old and look 5 months pregnant. Plus, I just feel completely out of control or a total fraud most days. Again, most of that has to do with struggling with the working-mom-of-two- small-children situation I've found myself in.

Then yesterday, something horrible happened.

I got a negative feedback on ebay.

I sold a purse, the buyer was unhappy with some flaws that admittedly, I had failed to mention in the description. Therefore, I offered to accept a return and refund her money. We e-mailed back and forth a few times, about my address, and a few other things, and then I log on last night to find my first negative feedback, and an e-mail from her saying it wasn't worth her postage to return it to me, that she didn't want someone else "stuck" with it, and basically accusing me of lying about her paypal money being slow (it was, and I had only let her know that to explain why I shipped the item slowly to her to begin with).

Anyway, as Football Widow can attest, this bothered me last night. Not only that I got a negative feedback, but that someone, out there (in North Carolina to be exact) thought I was a lying, deceitful bitch.

Then, today at the gym I go to my locker and someone is disrobing across from my locker. I've seen her before, we're often both there at lunch. She's cute and thin and young and blond and tan, so of course I feel fat and flabby and white and huge, which is why I just try to make myself as small as possible next to my locker so that I'm not in her way. All of a sudden she walks off and I hear "mumble mumble works wonders." I say, "Sorry?" And she doesn't turn around.

So I continue getting dressed, and all the while I'm so paranoid about what she said. "A Stairmaster works wonders?" "Jenny Craig works wonders?" "Deodorant works wonders?" I'm trying to hurry up and leave before she gets back, and I tell myself to just Let.It.Go., like I need to let go of the mean ebay lady.

When Miss ThinBlond&Tan gets back, she suddenly says, "I said, 'Excuse me works wonders.'"

"Oh, I was wondering... I only heard the last part."

"Yes, you could have just said 'Excuse me' and I would have gotten out of your way. "

"I would never have asked for you to get out of my way, you were here first. I was just trying to be as small as possible and not get in your way."

"Well, you never say 'sorry' and we're all scrunched up in here. I'm just having a bad day."

"Well, I'll say 'excuse me' from now on, but again, I would have never asked you to move. I hope you have a better day."

And with that I walked out.

And I still stressed about it, all the way back to the office (obviously). I mean, I think I'm a nice, considerate person. I try to be respectful and mannerful, even in traffic. I racked my brain - surely I had said 'excuse me' or 'sorry' to this person before. I can't remember saying it, but maybe I didn't because she intimidates me. Or maybe I didn't because we're naked and strangers and 6 inches away from each other and you don't talk to someone in that situation. Or maybe I did say it, sometime, and she just forgot.

So I came back to the office, and shot off an apology e-mail to a coworker whose private conversation I butted into this morning. Maybe I'm a rude bitch and I don't know it. Maybe I just have low post-partum self-esteem. But I try to be nice, right?