Friday, August 22, 2008

Just a little plastic surgery and I too could be an idiot

The DMN very kindly printed another column of mine yesterday and everyone at work found out about it. My colleague T introduced it in an e-mail as my “debut.” I’ve been writing for the paper for…. 5 years now? But I’ve kept it quiet at work because my employer has rules about employees publishing. Since I am very careful not to cross THE LINE that they do not want me to cross, I didn’t make a big deal about exercising my other 1st Amendment rights. A few friends knew, but not the whole office. When the link was e-mailed around, a lot of colleagues were graciously complimentary, which is nice, of course. Then one stopped me yesterday afternoon:

Coworker: Your column was SO GOOD! You missed your calling!

Me: Thank you.

C: No, seriously, you should have been a journalist.

Me: I don’t think I’d want to be a journalist, but thank you, that’s nice of you.

C: Ok, well not a journalist, but a legal analyst, like those people on tv!

Me: That would be great. I’d be happy to just get paid for writing, but those people are idiots, so I’m sure I could do that, too.

C: I mean, you’re prettier than Greta VanSusteren. You could do that.

Me: Um, thanks?

C: You just do your hair, and maybe get some work done, you’d be better than Greta VanSusteren.

Me: [starting to laugh uncontrollably]

C: Or you could be Dan Abrams!

Me: [trying to keep a straight face] Well, since he’s an idiot, I hope so.

C: You could totally do that!

Me: Thank you, I, um, have to go get water. [laughing to keep from crying]

Seriously. Greta VanFreaking Susteren or Dan “The Plaintiffs are upset about what the Defendant did to them” Abrams. There are no words, right?

2 comments:

Kimberly Lloyd said...

Dye your hair red and you could be Marilyn Milian! :)

(I'm a People's Court junkie. I even once watched Larry King because she was on. She was a celebrity analyst instead of a legal analyst, though. Probably comes from working with that TMZ guy.)

(And yes, I know that Greta and Dan are probably a step above Marilyn. That doesn't change my crush on her.)

Melanie said...

Oh dear. I think your blog is going to be too smart for me. I have no idea who those two people are :)