Homos

Welcome to Homo Wednesday, where we discuss the most ridiculous gay stories of the day.

One. Ted Haggard, that fundy preacher in Colorado who was exposed as a man who also likes naked gay massages and meth? He says he's thought about it, and now he's pretty sure he's not gay.

"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered."In investigating Haggard's assertion that his extramarital sexual contact was limited to male escort Mike Jones, the board talked to people close to Haggard and found no evidence contradicting him, Ralph said."If we're going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly," Ralph said. "We're into this thing over 90 days and it hasn't happened."

So because no one else has come out and said, "I gave this guy a totally gay massage," that means he's not gay.

Look, I don't even care. I just want him to be healthy and happy and honest with his WIFE and people who look up to him. But we live in a country where apparently if two men's lips happen to touch while eating the same Snickers, they have to rip their chest hair out and club the other one with a tire iron. So Mr. Haggard, if accidental lip touching makes you gay, then naked gay massages might too, even if they were with just one guy (monogamous, as it were). Just a head's up.